Twizted Matchups
by rewind gone nuts
Summary: Sort of a sidestory to Sacrifice 12, and my first attempt at humourromance writing.
1. Chapter 1

Twizted Matchups 

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½™ in any way, shape or form. I probably could try to claim ownership of the fancharacters Blight, Cinder, Grit and Sooth, but I doubt I'd be successful._

**Author's Notes: **I apologise in advance for the opening paragraphs of this story, but I just couldn't resist referencing "Sacrifice ½", the story with which I truly broke into fanfiction writing (not to mention I couldn't think of a better way to open the story). Don't worry; after this first chapter the characters from S½ will NOT be intervening in this story in any way, other than Storm and Blight serving their quasi-MST3000 roles.

I apologise for the length of this chapter too, I don't know much about humour, and even less about romance, so I'm desperate for some feedback and advice. This story probably won't be referenced in Sacrifice ½, but that depends on its popularity.

By the way, this –like all my Ranma ½ fiction- is set strictly in the Anime universe after Season 7.

Arc 1: Ukyo and Mousse

Chapter 1: A Foolish Challenge

Storm couldn't help but inhale softly as he stepped through the creaking doors that led into Blight's sanctum sanctorum. It was natural instinct; the human side of him knew entering someone's home without alerting them first was bad mannered. The Mage side of him knew that Mages generally reacted to the presence of strangers in their territory with instinctive ferocity. But then again, Blight and his fellow doppelgangers invaded his home all the time, and he never went berserk. Maybe it was because of the whole "parallel selves" deal.

"Bleah!"

Storm stifled a startled yelp and spun around wildly, only to find the source of the noise was some obscene scuttling thing crawling along through the shadows of the wall. He swallowed the urge to crush the thing under his boot in retaliation and returned to trying to find Blight. As he walked through the dark, decrepit house, he wondered precisely why he'd chosen to seek out the darkest of his alter egos for company. Then he recalled that he was still mad at Cinder, that Sooth grated on his nerves and that Grit, as a Geomancer, just wasn't his ideal for company. And then there was the fact that Bleak Marsh was the only parallel world he could access.

More out of idle hope than any real belief he'd be there, Storm headed for the dining hall were he first met Blight and his fellow Others. As he'd expected, there was nobody there but a stained dish on the table alongside some used utensils; Blight had evidentially eaten a meal there and left his plate behind for some unknown servitor to deal with. Without the slightest clue where to go next Storm settled for simply picking a door at random. Of course, that was a rather bad idea, especially in a Necromancer's house- he didn't make it more than twenty feet down the corridor he'd chosen before he tripped –rather painfully- over something in the dark.

"Screw this."

A single word of power and Storm had some illumination, in the form of a coruscating personal corona of electrical energy. Finally, after several minutes of searching down more corridors than a house the size of Blight's should be able to have, Storm finally managed to track down his counterpart, hunched over something in a small, dark room.

"Hey Blight, what are you doing?"

Storm couldn't help the pleased smirk that slithered onto his face as he achieved what he had thought impossible; he had startled Blight, startled him so badly with his sudden breaking of the silence that the Necromancer audibly yelped and visibly jumped, whatever he had been obsessed over flying from his hands into the air. Instinctively, Storm leapt into the air and caught the object, dropping gently to the ground and ignoring Blight's dirty look to stare at the thing now clutched softly in his grasp.

Essentially, it was an orb carved from some dark green-tinted black crystal, but it had been carved so that instead of being a smooth sphere it had thirteen irregular faces, though how that was possible Storm had no idea- he attributed it to the warped craftsmen of Stygia. Currently, twelve of the faces had had mystical sigils inked onto their surface, though for what purpose Storm didn't know.

"I'll take that back thank you!" Blight snatched the orb from Storm's uncaring grasp, whereupon Storm turned his curiosity upon the Necromancer.

"So what is that thing anyway?"

"First off you tell me why you're here."

"Why? Because today's the day that love potion you sprayed Nabiki with wears off, that's why. They aren't going to rope me into their madness this time."

Blight blinked in confusion, then slowly shook his head and resumed studying the orb.

"Whatever. Anyway, this… this is my Veil-Piercing Eye. A mystical artefact of my own creation, it allows me to peel away the layers of reality, to see worlds beyond the world where I am currently located."

"Why in the name of the Great Storm would you want something like that? I mean, we Ranmas are chaos-magnets; we get enough havoc happening in our daily lives without going looking for more."

One of Blight's eyes gently rolled to scrutiny Storm in a manner that would have unnerved most others before he spoke.

"You know how it was my… hobby… to bring us all together?"

Storm nodded his head.

"Well, this orb is an extension of that hobby. I use its reality-shifting powers to search through the weaves of fate, time and destiny to seek out other versions of ourself. Other Ranmas, that I might learn of them and their ways. Care to join me in my latest scrutiny?"

"Well… I normally have this thing about spying, but… what the hell, I need to kill some time anyway."

At Storm's answer Blight gently drew his right index finger to his mouth before biting it savagely, using the blood that slowly trickled from the punctured flesh to trace the thirteenth and final sigil onto the Eye, which promptly went from glossy darkness to clear and full of luminescent mists. Blight settled into a seat and Storm seated himself nearby so that he could see the images within the Eye without discomfort. Blight hissed and murmured under his breath, invocations clearly designed to activate the Eye's powers.

The mists within its depths parted, to reveal a strange scene. A Ranma, one who Storm could only describe as a "gothic bishonen", stood at the head of a vast army of monsters, demons and walking corpses. Besides him, a figure who turned out to be a scarred, leaner and meaner-looking version of Genma clad in strange, Western-style armour and clutching a grisly banner gave a patriarchal smile at the Ranma before pulling down his visor and turning to face what was evidentially an on-rushing enemy army before the mists rolled back over the scene.

Storm turned an eye towards Blight, but received no answer as a new scene appeared within the Eye. This Ranma was a deranged cyborg, laughing insanely as he slaughtered unaugmented humans with a weapon that resembled a screaming two-handed katana, the "mere" edges of a normal sword replaced with the flesh-ripping fang-chains of a chainsaw. Blood spurted from his latest victim as the mists –with somewhat greater speed than before, Storm thought- covered the scene.

Again and again the mists rose and fell, revealing new Ranmas and then covering them up. Storm was beginning to get bored with this –it felt too much like channel surfing for his liking, not that he knew what channel surfing was- when Blight suddenly chattered something, whereupon the mists stopped and sound, at a much greater volume and quality than before, began to fill the room.

"This looks promising…"

This was turning out, like so many had done before, to be a really bad day for Ranma Saotome. Firstly, his father had managed to get a weak but still viable lucky strike in on him during the morning's "training". Then, Kuno had attacked him with surprising ferocity at school; he had almost been challenging, so fast was he moving and so easily was he shrugging off Ranma's hits. Then he'd suddenly stopped and fallen asleep on the ground. Of course, that meant Ranma was late for class, which meant he got sent out into the hall yet again. Akane had joined him shortly afterwards for some reason or other- she'd been in a really bad mood all morning, and Ranma had no idea why.

Naturally enough, Akane in a bad mood meant that Ranma soon ended up getting sent hurtling through the air, ending his flight by smashing head-first through the roof of Ucchan's and landing on the grill with such force he'd broken it. Ukyo had been furious, but she'd calmed down after Ranma explained that it was Akane's fault. And he offered to take her on a date to make up for it- he never would have said those words normally, but Ukyo had been looking even madder than Akane, and he did **not** want to see an Akane-esque temper tantrum from Ukyo. After all, she was a better martial artist than Akane, which meant she could really hurt him.

Unfortunately, the Saotome Luck pretty much demanded that Ranma and Ukyo's "date" ended up running into Shampoo, who had instantly demanded that Ranma dump Ukyo and take **her** on a date. That had led to a prolonged battle between the two, during which they had somehow ended up outside the Cat Café. Things were normal until that point- annoying, but still normal. Then Ukyo insulted Shampoo's intelligence and skill, whereupon a barrage of throwing daggers had suddenly erupted through the window, forcing Ukyo to frantically deflect them with her battle spatula. The busted window had been completely destroyed as a figure had erupted from it, voicing his infamous battlecry.

"**Shampoo!"**

And that was why Ranma and Shampoo were now blinking in confusion as Mousse, glasses on his head as usual, glared daggers at an equally angry Ukyo. Cologne pogoed through the front door as Mousse pointed a vehement finger at Ukyo, for once actually gesturing at the right person.

"How dare you! How dare you insult my Shampoo like that! I won't stand for it!"

"So what are you gonna do about it chump?" Ukyo smirked, twirling her battle spatula in an attempt to psyche out her opponent. Her attempt failed as Mousse's face tightened.

"I, Mu Tsu, of the Joketsuzoku, hereby demand a formal apology from you for the way you have spoken to my fiancée! If you refuse to apologize, then we must fight to settle our grievances!"

That little declaration earned surprised expressions, not only from Ranma, Shampoo, Ukyo and Cologne but also, unbeknownst to them, the watching Storm and Blight.

"Mousse…" whispered Shampoo, Ranma blinking in confusion as he turned his head to stare first at the strangely nervous-looking Shampoo, then at the defiant Mousse, then at the gobsmacked Ukyo, and finally at the solemn-looking Cologne. The elder Chinese Amazon heaved a faint sigh as she pogoed into the space between Mousse and Ukyo.

"As senior elder present, and an official representee of the High Council of the Joketsuzoku, I acknowledge that a formal challenge has been made by the Joketsuzoku Mu Tsu towards the Outsider Ukyo Kuonji. Will you present your apology or must this dispute be resolved by means of a trial by combat?"

Ukyo turned a disparaging glance towards Cologne before resuming glaring at Mousse.

"I ain't apologizing to no Chinese bimbo; if four-eyes wants to fight me then I'll gladly kick his ass!"

"And the Outsider has made her decision clear. By the laws of the Joketsuzoku this is now an official match between Ukyo and Mousse. No interferences will be tolerated and all results are final. The challenged one may choose the battlefield. The battle will take place at a time mutually agreed upon by both combatants."

"The sports field at Furinkan High School and right now!"

"I'll be there! And be prepared to lose!"

Mousse turned in the proper direction and leapt off, bounding across the rooftops with Ukyo, Cologne and Shampoo bringing up the rear. Ranma blinked in confusion.

"Now what the heck was all that about? …Ah well, I guess I don't got nothing better to do…" So saying, he leapt off after them.

_"I agree; what the heck was that all about?"_

_"Watch, and you'll see soon enough."_

With school ended there wasn't many students left around Furinkan High. But the news of an official duel between Ukyo and Mousse, a unique event even in Nerima, quickly drew a pretty large crowd, including Nabiki and her small gaggle of fellow racketeers, who quickly started taking bets. Akane, evidentially in a better mood now, also turned up, though Ranma made a point of keeping away from her in case she found precisely why Ukyo and Mousse were fighting in the first place. From her position in the middle of the field, interspersed between the two martial artists, Cologne raised her staff and then spoke loudly and clearly to the two of them.

"This is the last opportunity either of you have to settle this without combat. Will either of you back down?"

"Never!" the pair snarled in perfect unison. Cologne heaved a weary sigh.

"Then… begin!" she swung her staff downward and leapt out of the arena as Mousse opened the combat with a barrage of his trademark throwing knives. Ukyo deflected some with the flat of her battle spatula and dodged the rest.

"Nice move, but you're not the only one who knows how to throw stuff!" she smirked, grabbing a clutch of spatulas from her bandoliers and launching them at the Hidden Weapons Master. Mousse flipped backwards to avoid them and then leapt straight up, hurling down a cluster of bombs, which Ukyo sent hurtling straight back at him with a single swift blow from her battle spatula. The slightly scorched Chinese Amazon retaliated by launching his chain-attack from his right sleeve, Ukyo dodging most of the projectiles but softly gasping in pain as an edge from a trident's head sliced a small, shallow cut in her side. Another barrage of throwing spatulas forced Mousse to move, though he retaliated with chains from both sleeves.

Ukyo leapt over not only the chains but also straight over Mousse, dropping a flour bomb on him at the pinnacle of her jump. The moment she landed she clutched her battle spatula in an offensive grip and charged towards the white cloud, only to strafe-roll to the right as a sudden flurry of darts hurtled from the flour; she had forgotten that Mousse was used to fighting blind. As she scrambled to her feet a chain lashed out from the dissipating cloud and ensnared her battle-spatula, Ukyo frantically clinging to it as the chain forcefully retracted, attempting to pull the weapon from her grasp and disarm her.

"Ukyo's got this in the bag." Declared Ranma, earning a curious stare from Akane and the nearby students, some of which began trying to change their bets.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Ukyo and Mousse can both fight at either range, but Mousse prefers to fight from a distance, right? Well, as long as Ukyo stays away from him Mousse can toss out an endless supply of weapons and try and nail her. However, Ukyo's better up close and personal, yeah? With that spatula of hers, she can end this fight in one good strike. And she's got a golden opportunity; I wonder if she can recognize it? Ah…"

In the field, Ukyo suddenly stopped trying to resist Mousse's attempts to pull her battle spatula from her grasp. Instead, she suddenly charged towards him, releasing her grip with one hand to use it to throw the last of her spatulas at him. Distracted by the projectile weapons, Mousse was unable to react in time to prevent Ukyo striking him with a vicious up-sweeping blow from her weapon, which launched him high into the sky to land with crashing force inside one of the soccer goals. Mousse twitched a little, tried to rise, and then collapsed. Cologne pogoed back out onto the field and raised Ukyo's hand.

"I declare Ukyo Kuonji the winner!"

Ukyo grinned like a Cheshire Cat as cheers rose from the students who had bet on her and groans came from those who had bet on Mousse. Ranma gulped as Nabiki directed an icy look at him; he knew she would blame him for this. Ukyo sauntered over to where Ranma, Akane and Shampoo were sitting, walking up the Chinese Amazon and smirking.

"Heh, I won sugar. Looks like Ranma will be going on a date with me after all."

"What! **Ranma…**"

"Now, Akane, it's not what you think…"

Shampoo's reaction to Ukyo's triumph was to smirk back at her, puzzling the okonomiyaki chef.

"Whatcha smiling at?"

"Shampoo think Ukyo be bit too busy to go on date with Ranma."

"And why is that?"

_"Yeah, why is that?"_

_"Shut up and watch stupid."_

Ukyo's eyes suddenly widened as she felt a tingle run down her spine. She spun around to see Mousse, newly returned to consciousness, standing behind her.

"And what do you want? I beat you fair and square!" there was a twinge of nervousness in her tone despite her expression of confidence, which began to gradually melt away as Mousse simply stared at her with an unreadable expression on his face. Before she could do more than mouth her next question, Mousse cupped her chin in one hand and gently pressed his lips to hers.

**_"What the?"_**

Ukyo's eyes widened to an extent she never would have dreamed possible as she simply stared dumb-shocked at Mousse, on whose face a faint hint of sorrow could be seen. It was he who broke the silence first, the words that fell from his tongue clearly leaving a bitter aftertase.

"Woda Airen. Wo ai ni."

Ukyo did the only thing that occurred to her to do. She fainted.

Blight made a gesture which caused the volume of the Eye to cease, though one could have seen Mousse gently lifting Ukyo from the ground as anarchy broke out around them. Blinking in confusion, Storm turned to Blight.

"Okay, what just happened? I though the Kiss of Marriage was Joketsuzoku women only!"

"No, it's just Joketsuzoku warriors only. It applies as much to the few male warriors of the tribe as it does to the females. Just be glad that Mousse knew about your Jusenkyo curse by the time he fought you."

Blight ignored Storm's sudden attack of nausea and resumed watching the Eye, restoring the volume and increasing it to cover the sounds of his counterpart being violently sick. This world looked interesting…

_Okay, now, I know this sucks- no humour, no romance. But hey, you have to start somewhere. Please review!_


	2. Chapter 2

Twizted Matchups 

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½™ in any way, shape or form. I probably could try to claim ownership of the fancharacters Blight, Cinder, Grit and Sooth, but I doubt I'd be successful._

**Author's Notes: **so, this isn't turning out to be as bad as I thought. In response to reviewer aqualens' PM; I knew Wo Ai Ni didn't mean 'My Beloved Husband', but I am grateful to you for the accurate translation. As far as I knew, what Mousse said was 'My beloved darling, it's you I love'. To reviewer aondehafka; thank you for the suggested link. And I'm grateful for the pairing suggestions, but I don't think I'll use them. No offense, but the idea of pairing a 16 year old with a man old enough to be her father… just doesn't sit well, okay?

Just to clarify; **bold** signifies emphasis, _italics_ signifies commentary from Blight and/or Storm, and 'this signifies character thoughts'.

Arc 1: Ukyo and Mousse

Chapter 2: Mousse, Ukyo's New Fiancé?

"Okay, explain to me what's going again?"

"Why Akane no get it? Stupid Mousse challenge Ukyo to fight, and challenge formally at that. Ukyo act dumb and beat stupid Mousse, so Chinese Amazon law say Mousse have no choice but to give Ukyo Kiss of Marriage. Ukyo faint, not that Shampoo blame her, so Mousse bring her to Ucchan's to wait for her to wake up."

"Okay, but why are we carrying all of Mousse's stuff from the Cat Café to Ucchan's?" asked Ranma, bent nearly double because he was the one carrying pretty much all of Mousse's gear. Well, all the gear that Shampoo had told them to carry; for one thing, they'd left behind his secret album of risqué Shampoo photos- something that neither Ranma, Akane nor Shampoo knew he had and which Shampoo had been very angry to find. Ranma idly wondered if maybe he could get back on Nabiki's good side by warning her that Shampoo was going to come for her on the warpath- they'd recognized Nabiki's photography style in the pictures.

"Because Mousse live at Ucchan's now, so he not need his stuff at Cat Café."

"And who said he's going to live with Ukyo?"

"Where else husband live but with wife? Is not proper married couple be separate. Shampoo know that."

Ranma gulped softly as Akane evidentially caught the not-so-hidden barb in Shampoo's words. He quickly tried to think up a way to distract the two of them before they started fighting and he got caught in the middle.

"But what if Mousse doesn't want to marry Ukyo?"

"Who say he want to give Kiss of Marriage in first place? Stupid Mousse have no choice; he make formal challenge, he stuck with consequences. Mousse no can break up with Ukyo unless he beat her in Divorce Match."

"Wait, you mean if he don't want ta marry her, he just has to challenge her to another fight and win?" asked Ranma, wondering if maybe he'd just found a way out of his own Chinese Amazon engagement. Shampoo seemed to guess his trail of thoughts, given the way her eyes glinted as she answered Ranma's question.

"Yes, but Divorce Match is very serious matter. Both must fight all out, and if one deliberately loses fight then both is disqualified; must stay married."

"But what if one of the married couple knows they can't beat the other but still wants to get divorced? What then?" asked Akane, curious despite herself.

"If one fighter not confident in own skills, then Joketsuzoku law says fighter can ask for stand-in; get ally to fight in own place. For example, Shampoo could get Great-Grandmother to fight for her if Airen decide to ask for Divorce Match."

Hearing the implicit threat in her tone Ranma internally sighed and mentally scratched that plan off the metaphorical notepad, choosing instead to focus on staying silent and getting to Ucchan's as fast as he could without making it look like he was unnerved. When they finally got there it was Mousse who opened the door, which had a "Closed" sign hanging from it, for them. His expression still blank, he directed Ranma towards an unobtrusive corner where he could drop his load, Akane turning to him with a questioning expression.

"How is she?"

"Still unconscious; I put her into bed, she'll be fine once she comes around."

"I don't see why she fainted in the first place. I mean, yeah, it was kinda surprising what you did, but it was only a dumb kiss." Muttered Ranma, earning a glared look from Akane. Mousse acted as though he hadn't heard a word, but was that a twitch in the corner of his eye?

"Aiya, Shampoo almost forgot; Shampoo have deliveries to make. Oh well, see you later Mousse; have nice life with Ukyo."

Ranma and Akane could only blink in confusion as Shampoo departed Ucchan's Okonomiyaki with surprising speed. Mousse's blank expression slipped for a second, revealing hurt –though not quite the amount they would have expected- and, strangely, resignation.

"How cold can you get? I mean, how can she leave poor Mousse like that after all he's done for her?" asked Akane. Ranma shrugged his shoulders as he responded.

"What has he done for her anyway? Essentially all he's been doing since they were three years old is stalking her. Why would she miss that?"

"Um… I'm right here you know." Said Mousse; though neither Akane nor Ranma gave any sign they'd heard him.

"But he loves her!"

"And she doesn't love him back. Heck, how many times has she told him she dislikes or even hates him to his face?"

"Would you please stop talking about me as though I weren't present!" Mousse snapped, his eye twitching like crazy and his fingers spasmodically clenching and unclenching, though there was still no sign of recognition of his presence from Ranma and Akane.

"You have no romance in your soul Ranma."

"What's that got to do with anything? Besides, Shampoo's probably on Cloud Nine right now."

"Why?"

"Well, think about it. She gets rid of her most annoying suitor and one of her rivals in one swift stroke. She's gotten more accomplished today than she has in… how long has she been here?"

"Okay, that is **it! Get out!**"

They say every man has his limits, and Mousse had clearly reached his. Ranma and Akane were forced to flee from Ucchan's as the enraged Chinese Amazon sent a flurry of projectiles in their direction. Breathing heavily from pent-up rage, Mousse forced himself to calm down and try and find Ukyo's private stove; it was nearing dinnertime and she'd be hungry when she woke up. Not to mention that anything that might help ease her acceptance of this new state of affairs was most welcome in Mousse's book; the last thing he wanted was to have her hammer him into the ground like a nail with that battle spatula of hers.

_"Ouch, still, I can't deny they deserved that."_

_"I agree; if someone was talking like that about me while I was in the room and they compounded that by ignoring me, well, let's just say they would have regretted their impudence…"_

Ukyo awoke. She didn't particularly want to, but her growling stomach informed her that it was mealtime and what's more she had no business not being awake in the first place. She forced herself into a seated position with a groan, and then blinked as she took in her location.

'What the? How did I get here? What happened to me? The last thing I recall, I was at Furinkan High School…'

She trailed off as the memories of precisely what had happened earlier that afternoon came flooding back. Her mind almost shut down again as her subconscious replayed Mousse's kiss and his declaration of love, and it –rather begrudgingly- replayed it several times before she accepted it as real.

'What the hell brought that on? Why did he do that? And who knew he was such a good kisser?'

A faint blush spread across her face as that last thought registered.

'Where the hell did **that** come from?'

She was distracted from her internal riviere by a sudden knock at her bedroom's door. Some alien instinct caused her to pull the sheets up to cover herself, despite the fact that she was still totally clothed in the same outfit she'd been wearing when she'd gone on a date with Ranma earlier. As she wondered what caused her to react like that there was another soft knocking before whoever it was on the other side of the door spoke.

"Ukyo-san? Are you awake? May I come in?"

'Mousse? What's he doing here? More to the point, since when does he call me Ukyo-san?'

Her curiosity, forming an alliance with her stomach via the notes passed on from the nose that Mousse seemed to be bearing food, quickly strongarmed her instincts for control of her tongue.

"Come in."

And enter Mousse did, sliding back to the door and stepping through, using his foot to slide it shut behind him as he approached, her stomach rumbling as her eyes confirmed that Mousse was indeed bearing food- a tray with utensils and plate of… something she didn't recognize; it wasn't okonomiyaki, and Ukyo's knowledge of other forms of food wasn't that hot. She knew enough to recognize and differentiate Japanese foods, though she couldn't exactly cook them reliably, but whatever Mousse had, she didn't recognize it. Her stomach quickly chimed in that it didn't care what it was; it smelled edible and it was hungry. Mousse came up the edge of the bed and stopped there.

"Ukyo-san, we need to talk."

To his surprise, he didn't receive an immediate answer. He blinked in confusion and then discretely pulled his glasses on to confirm that Ukyo's attention was fixed firmly, not on him, but on the food he was carrying. Wait a second; was she actually starting to drool?

"Here. Lemon candied beef. It's probably different to what you're used to, but it'll take the hunger away."

He handed the tray over and quickly drew his hand back as though afraid Ukyo would try to bite it. Somewhat hesitantly, caution temporarily overruling hunger, Ukyo tasted Mousse's "offering". Finding it not only edible and non-toxic but also pretty tasty, Ukyo proceeded to eat which much more enthusiasm. After a couple of mouthfuls, she registered Mousse's continued presence.

"Not that I don't like the food or anything, but why are you here? Shouldn't you be back with your precious Shampoo?"

She blinked to herself at her choice of words; why would she say that? After all, it wasn't like she could be jealous of Shampoo or anything. Mousse drew her attention back to him with a slight cough.

"Do you remember anything about what happened earlier today?"

"Actually, I do, though I was hoping it was all a bad dream. Care to explain yourself?" Ukyo frowned; among other things she'd hoped to have her first kiss with Ranma. Mousse sighed, his carefully held blank expression slipping to reveal his inner depression.

"What happened was my having no choice but to follow Joketsuzoku laws."

"I don't follow you."

"You know why Shampoo pursues Ranma?"

"Well duh. Because he beat her in battle, and your laws says that means he's her…" Ukyo trailed off, eyes widening as the information fell into place. She stared at Mousse in shock and more than twinge of horror.

"So that means…"

Mousse nodded his head in confirmation, and then quickly interjected as though he was afraid Ukyo was about to scream. Then again, maybe she would have.

"Look, I don't like this state of affairs any more than you do. In fact, I probably like it less than you do. You can't go after a guy who didn't know you were a girl until earlier this year. I'm forbidden from going anywhere near the girl I've been devoted to my whole life."

Seeing the strangely insulted look on Ukyo's face, not to mention the twitching of her eye and the faint shimmers of a rage aura forming around her, Mousse hastily tried to rectify his mistake; he was supposed to be keeping her from going ballistic, not trying to provoke her into a fighting fury.

"Not that you aren't a great catch yourself! You'd make someone a wonderful wife! But… I've been trying to win Shampoo's heart for so long, I've done so much for her, and then this happens…"

Her bizarrely wounded pride soothed, Ukyo calmed down, taking in the slight signs in Mousse's expression and stance that revealed the strain that he was feeling; she had to admit that he was taking this at least as hard as she was. They both had plans that had been upset by this sudden turn of events, but he had been romantically pursuing Shampoo a lot longer than she had Ranma.

"So now what happens? If you even think about touching me…"

"Relax" Mousse snorted "as far as I'm concerned, we're married in name only. I have no intention of doing anything to you, now or ever. I got you home safely, now I'm out of here."

"Wait, where are you going?" asked Ukyo, curious despite herself.

"Firstly, to find somewhere I can get something to eat. Secondly, to find someplace I can stay until I can find a new job. Neither of us want me here, and I can't go back to the Cat Café."

"New job? What's wrong with the old one? For that matter, why can't you go back to the Cat Café?"

"There's the small matter of me being fired."

"Fired! Why? What did you do?"

Mousse heaved a sigh heavy with bitterness before he replied.

"Nothing. And there aren't really any laws saying I should have been. However, as the old ghoul put it, there's just no way they can realistically expect me to work for them while I'm married to you; the competition for the Cat Café." He sighed again. "I don't know what I'm going to do though. All I really know how to do is to fight, a little Chinese cooking and a bit of running a restaurant. And that won't get me too far."

"What do you mean by that?" Ukyo asked, feeling as though he'd somehow insulted her.

"No other restaurant in town will employ me. They say I'm too dangerous."

"Dangerous?" Ukyo was genuinely confused for a second, then she remembered the rather bad reputation she and the other local martial artists had earned for themselves in the immediate vicinity. What was it people called them all when they thought they couldn't be heard? The Nerima Wrecking Crew? She idly resumed eating as she contemplated. Mousse, evidentially taking Ukyo's silence for a signal of dismissal, turned to leave.

"Wait."

Mousse stopped, his hand an inch above the doorhandle.

"I can't just kick you out into the night like that. You can stay here for a while; just until you set yourself up with somewhere else to go. I'm sure you can make yourself at home in an empty storeroom or something."

Mousse blinked, puzzled, and then turned partially towards Ukyo.

"You're under no obligation to let me stay here."

"I know. I don't feel obligated to do so either. But, still, I can't just turn my back on you now, when you've nobody to turn to and nowhere to go. I know neither of us is exactly pleased with this turn of events but, right now, we're all we got. So let's call a truce for now, okay?"

"Truce. But I don't intend to be a freeloader like Ranma's father." Mousse couldn't help but leave a noticeable pause between the Ranma and the S of that sentence, though Ukyo decided not to comment. After all, old habits died hard. As she well knew; she still dressed up like a boy after all.

"Good. I have needed a part-time assistant. You can do take that role while you're here; I'll even pay you the wages, so you can save up for when you get ready to move out. And one more thing…"

"What's that?" Mousse asked, slightly nervous. Why was she being so generous to him?

"You teach me your recipes, and you cook and sell the dishes you know for me. A little diversity could help attract the customers."

"Sure; it's the least I could do."

Ukyo smiled, a genuine Ukyo smile. Unseen behind his glasses, Mousse's eyes widened a fraction as he excused himself, closing the door behind himself as he went to set himself up with a meal and place to put his futon.

'Wow, now I think I see why Ranma always called her the cute fiancée… now where'd that come from?'

_"Say Blight?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Doesn't this feel an awful lot like voyeurism to you?"_

"_No. Now shut up; I want to see how this turns out. I think this might mark the start of something between those two…"_

"_I never would have figured any version of me, especially one like you, could be so… sappy."_

"_You have no idea how fortunate you are you're a Me; you know what I've done to people who've made that claim before?"_

Okay, chapter two up; I said this before and I'll say it again: I NEED help! I have never done anything remotely resembling humour or romance, so I need major advice on how to make this progress from here. Once I've gotten off the ground though, I should be able to keep it going on my own as I "find my feet", so to speak.


End file.
